A Sad Day

Brent and I have been talking over the last few months about Duncan's progress with his health and insecurity around strangers. We found out recently that he has arthritis and we have been giving him medication for it daily. But with the onset of summer, and the kids being home every day, and friends coming in and out all day long, I think we sensed a change coming. I may have realized it more than anybody, being home all day, and seeing the activity level in the house grow. But my stress grew with it, as children ran through the halls in the home and all over the backyard. I just felt like I had to be a constant monitor of where Duncan was. So we finally realized that he just wasn't safe to keep around in this type of situation. I didn't anticipate feeling so awful about putting him down, but I have prayed about it for days, and just couldn't find a better conclusion. Brent and I had to come to that conclusion together; and it was really hard for us. But we decided this week that we would take the time to say our goodbyes. A really awful twist is that I had a nightmare yesterday morning about him. Although, I did wake up to him licking my hand by the side of the bed, while he held his head under my fingers to pet him. That gave me a great sense of comfort. Little did I know I would need it the rest of the day. He really did love us, and we knew it. I am grateful for that realization. But after noon we said our last goodbyes and I thought my heart was going to break. I felt awful the rest of the day. On top of that, my ex-mother in-law sent me an email saying she was facing the same conclusion with her dog. Later that night she put her dog down too. It was nice to be able to share our feelings through emails. I never expected to feel this way, and was suprised by my heartbreak, but I know I really cared about Duncan, as we all do, and we will all miss him very much.