I was finally able to open up the photos files on my old computer, but I couldn't burn the photos to a disk so I had to email them to myself only 5 at a time. The computer was so slow it took 5 minutes per email. Hence, 8 hours later, I had a migrane, obviously, but felt a huge sense of relief.
A wierd feeling stuck with me all day, though, looking back at these pictures of when the kids were younger and reminding me of how life was at that time. It caught me off guard to feel the memory of grieving. Brent and I mentioned recently how 2006-2007 were the hardest years of our lives. I had forgotten that feeling, and it was almost creepy to remember it.
These pictures make me smile, but when I talked to Erika about it that day she said I would probably always get a lot of feelings stirred up as I remember the time when I was a single mom and struggled with all the stresses that were associated with that. I think she's right.
I love these pictures of Kai. I remember telling myself to never forget to photograph my kids during these hard times and I am so relieved that I kept that promise to myself. These pictures remind me that my kids are so precious. Even though they were hard to raise alone, we had good times through it all. I had many good things to look back on as well as hardships.
I never remember anymore how hard it was until something like this reminds me. The memory is hard to swallow a little. Today I realize I finally feel 'settled' and that I have a 'home' again, and am part of a family. I remember being so jealous of people who had that, or peeple who just had a feeling of 'security'. I just felt like my feet never had any ground underneath them.
The same day that I was telling Erika about this I had just talked to Dad on the phone. I was telling him how Brent warned me that starting over at his job would take a lot of time to get the business in a 'comfortable' place again, and to be patient. It was like Dad laughed right away and said "After all you've been through, thats all you've got is patience!" I think I was suprised that he recognized all the difficulties I had been through. I think I validate all of us as having gone through our own lists of difficulties. I don't set myself apart. But its nice to see people recognize what I experienced, for what it was.
I am happy that those days are finally 'behind me'. I feel like I can really look back on them now with 'perspective', not being in the heat of the emotional rollercoaster that it was. Although I 'remember' the rollercoaster, I'm definitely not on the ride, and it did come to an end! Not only that, but I am grateful that I am in such a better place now.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to these days when the kids were babies and had such cute faces and silly personalities. But I will always have the good days from back then. I remember kissing their faces off. I remember tickling them and laughing till we couldn't laugh anymore. And I remember all the people and blessings that carried me through those days too.
Keala has the most beautiful piercing blue eyes in this picture. I don't even remember this one. Most of the photos I found I had remembered. But there were a few I completely forgot about or had no memory of either. Seeing this suprised me of how stunning her face is sometimes.
This picture completely tickles me. I think its a sign of the little 'devil child' thats barely coming out of her. She has so much personality it just amazes me. This week I had to put together a poster of Keala for her preschool, being the 'Spotlight Student of the Month'. Out of all the pictures I had, almost 100% of them captured her big character. She is such the boss of our house! I catch myself thinking all the time "how come no one ever warned me about this!?" Its lifes great 'anomaly', I think. Defined by Webster it means: "deviation from the common rule: irregularity". That pretty much sums up the meaning of life for me. How about yourself?
This picture was also a suprise to find. But I love it. I just love that I have these memories of how adorable my kids are, irregardless of the circumstances that surrounded these times. Those events HAVE made me a more grateful and introspective person. The biggest mystery of all to me is how I got SO blessed to marry the man of my dreams. For the sake of not sounding too cheesy, either I won the 'luckiest girl in the world' lottery, or God actually believes in me for some reason. hmmmm.
Of course, I couldn't end without adding this one. Its a favorite. And no, its not my child! But Keala does keep asking me why they taped this baby up to the wall. (When shes a mom she'll know the answer to that!)
I was finally able to open up the photos files on my old computer, but I couldn't burn the photos to a disk so I had to email them to myself only 5 at a time. The computer was so slow it took 5 minutes per email. Hence, 8 hours later, I had a migrane, obviously, but felt a huge sense of relief.
A wierd feeling stuck with me all day, though, looking back at these pictures of when the kids were younger and reminding me of how life was at that time. It caught me off guard to feel the memory of grieving. Brent and I mentioned recently how 2006-2007 were the hardest years of our lives. I had forgotten that feeling, and it was almost creepy to remember it.
These pictures make me smile, but when I talked to Erika about it that day she said I would probably always get a lot of feelings stirred up as I remember the time when I was a single mom and struggled with all the stresses that were associated with that. I think she's right.
I love these pictures of Kai. I remember telling myself to never forget to photograph my kids during these hard times and I am so relieved that I kept that promise to myself. These pictures remind me that my kids are so precious. Even though they were hard to raise alone, we had good times through it all. I had many good things to look back on as well as hardships.
I never remember anymore how hard it was until something like this reminds me. The memory is hard to swallow a little. Today I realize I finally feel 'settled' and that I have a 'home' again, and am part of a family. I remember being so jealous of people who had that, or peeple who just had a feeling of 'security'. I just felt like my feet never had any ground underneath them.
The same day that I was telling Erika about this I had just talked to Dad on the phone. I was telling him how Brent warned me that starting over at his job would take a lot of time to get the business in a 'comfortable' place again, and to be patient. It was like Dad laughed right away and said "After all you've been through, thats all you've got is patience!" I think I was suprised that he recognized all the difficulties I had been through. I think I validate all of us as having gone through our own lists of difficulties. I don't set myself apart. But its nice to see people recognize what I experienced, for what it was.
I am happy that those days are finally 'behind me'. I feel like I can really look back on them now with 'perspective', not being in the heat of the emotional rollercoaster that it was. Although I 'remember' the rollercoaster, I'm definitely not on the ride, and it did come to an end! Not only that, but I am grateful that I am in such a better place now.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to these days when the kids were babies and had such cute faces and silly personalities. But I will always have the good days from back then. I remember kissing their faces off. I remember tickling them and laughing till we couldn't laugh anymore. And I remember all the people and blessings that carried me through those days too.
Keala has the most beautiful piercing blue eyes in this picture. I don't even remember this one. Most of the photos I found I had remembered. But there were a few I completely forgot about or had no memory of either. Seeing this suprised me of how stunning her face is sometimes.
This picture completely tickles me. I think its a sign of the little 'devil child' thats barely coming out of her. She has so much personality it just amazes me. This week I had to put together a poster of Keala for her preschool, being the 'Spotlight Student of the Month'. Out of all the pictures I had, almost 100% of them captured her big character. She is such the boss of our house! I catch myself thinking all the time "how come no one ever warned me about this!?" Its lifes great 'anomaly', I think. Defined by Webster it means: "deviation from the common rule: irregularity". That pretty much sums up the meaning of life for me. How about yourself?
This picture was also a suprise to find. But I love it. I just love that I have these memories of how adorable my kids are, irregardless of the circumstances that surrounded these times. Those events HAVE made me a more grateful and introspective person. The biggest mystery of all to me is how I got SO blessed to marry the man of my dreams. For the sake of not sounding too cheesy, either I won the 'luckiest girl in the world' lottery, or God actually believes in me for some reason. hmmmm.
Of course, I couldn't end without adding this one. Its a favorite. And no, its not my child! But Keala does keep asking me why they taped this baby up to the wall. (When shes a mom she'll know the answer to that!)
1 comment:
=) These pictures are so cute. I'm glad that you took them and that they capture these cute years of your kids. I'm also glad those years are over! (for you, that is)
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